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Some Ethical (Akhlaq) Points on Interacting with your Child (Part 5)


31. Try not to quarrel, especially in front of the child, as this trouble them greatly and affects their personality.

32. Children have a particular fear of the word death, especially death of their mother or father. Therefore, where it is not necessary, don’t speak constantly of your death, or the like. However, do teach your child the truth about death, clearly and calmly and without eliciting fear.

33. Find out about your child’s talents and develop these as much as possible.

34. In terms of wordly aspects, do not over-saturate your child so that they go on the wrong path, nor under do it, as both these methods are dangerous.

35. The single most important cause of the happiness of the child is the kindness of the parents. No other quality can create happiness and calmness in a child like love, and likewise, no other quality can disturb and trouble a child like the lack of affection from the parents.

Children of parents who are successful in this area try their best to please their parents and stay away from actions that will displease and trouble them, both in their childhood and when they are older. Therefore, love and affection not only satisfies the needs of the child but ensures their obedience.

Allah has referred to this impact of kindness in the Noble Qur’an, in Surat Al-‘Imran, Verse 159:


فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ اللٌّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لاَنفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ

“It is by Allah’s mercy that you are gentle to them; and had you been harsh and hardhearted, surely they would have scattered from around you.”‌

It is important to note that there should not be extremes; too much love, just like too little, is destructive to the child; therefore practise the middle path and raise your child in such a manner that they are able to stand on their own two feet when older. It is narrated from Imam Sadiq (A.S): “The worst fathers are those who, in their goodness and love towards their child, go over the limits and incline to excesses.”‌[

36. It is important that the parents give freedom and independence to their children according to their capabilities, so that they develop their initiative, innate independence and self-trust. At the same time, one must be careful not to exceed the limits so that children bring harm to themselves.

Some parents, either to free themselves of their responsibilities or because of misplaced love, leave their children completely to their own devices; however, before long, the child grows up without knowing anything of their responsibilities in the house, or otherwise. It is at this point parents try to instil this in their children, not surprisingly without any effect.

Other parents however, do the opposite and do not give their children enough opportunities to lead their own activities, constantly interfering in what their children are doing and how. Both are wrong and have negative consequences.

37. Raising your child properly is one of the responsibilities of a parent, and lack of attention to this responsibility is a cause of reproach of the Imams. One should try their best through various ways to create the love of Allah and the Ahl-ul-Bayt (A.S), so that the child follows the right path. Insofar as the requisite of love is acquaintance and knowledge, one should try their best to instil this in their children.

38. Teach your children the Qur’an. Recitation of Qur’an in the home spreads the superior words of the truth and reality of Islam. Being in an environment where one is familiar with the Noble Qur’an, listens to the recitation of the Noble Qur’an and acts upon the instructions of the Noble Qur’an, has a strong effect on the child’s life. Every time parents recite Qur’an, children are encouraged to do the same and follow them in this habit. In particular, those children who have a naturally strong memory and are talented can easily memorise the Qur’an, which will benefit them forever.

Source: imamreza.net

Other links:

Some Ethical (Akhlaq) Points on Interacting with your Child (Part 1)

The Knowledge and Mutual Cooperation of the Educators

The Exalted position of Parents in Islam (Part 1)

The Exalted position of Parents in Islam (Part 2)

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