Stop before You Get Break Ties!
When everything is prepared for one to break ties, it seems almost impossible not to break ties. But if people find the root of their problems, they could solve it beforehand. To break ties is not a pleasant thing for anyone, but it happens as a “reaction”. It is not an “action” to be easy to control. Therefore, in order for it not to happen, one should solve the problem so that there are no reasons for breaking ties.
It will at least take one year for people to get to know each other well after marriage. If your spouse breaks ties easily and reacts to it, you should find a way to prevent this problem.
The one, who refuses to speak to the other person, is actually the one who loses the fight. That is, one refuses to talk to the other person when he or she is filled with negative feelings and anger, but is unable of demonstrating a reaction.
Thus, there are two ways to prevent this problem; one way is to increase the person’s tolerance limit by making him or her participate in social and sportive activities and any other activities that increase creativity. The other way is to try not to offend or infuriate other person.
When there is a fight, the one who is more powerful, more nervous, or more aggressive shouts, tries to defend him(her)self, reacts violently, etc. These reactions help him or her get rid of the negative feelings easily. But the weaker person just hears the shouts, and seemingly bears the humiliation. However, he or she has a more severe revenge to take.
The solution is to try not to offend the other person and not to fill his or her heart with negative feelings. You should give him or her, the opportunity to defend him (her) self too, so that he or she won’t develop a feeling of victimization. Furthermore, you can act logically and keep away from offensive words, so that the other person won’t get angry or over-excited.
As a result, one should have control of him (her) self during an argument. No person will stop speaking to the other one if both people have the chance to talk and to defend themselves. But if you act in a way that the other person would lose control and feel insecure, he or she will surrender to you. But it won’t be over here. The person will refuse to speak to you later. Because you have transferred all your rage and negative feelings to him or her and that person is ready to explode. The only defensive measure that he or she could take now is to refuse to speak with you.
How to Make up
If the person who refuses to talk to the other one is the wife, the husband could convince her wife to talk to him by persistence and affection. Women would like their husband to pay attention to them when they are sad and depressed. There are exceptions among women, and some of them would prefer to be alone and do not want anyone around them. In other cases, the husband should be loving and persistent.
If the person who refuses to talk to the other one is the husband, it won’t be that easy to make up; because men would rather be alone when they are angry or upset. The best thing the wife could do is to apologize, if she admits that she has made a mistake, and to say that she’s sorry for what has happened, if she thinks that it was not her fault. The wife should not keep asking the husband to let go of his anger. Instead, she should act more nicely; like to clean the house or make a delicious meal until the husband forgets about his problem.
If one person refuses to talk to the other one, the second person should not react in the same way. Family should always be a place for peace and affection. Everyone has weak points that his or her spouse tries to deal with. So, a couple should not take revenge on each other by acting the same way as the other person. Every body has his or her own way of life. People, who get offended easily, should of course work on this problem, but that is a different issue.
Another way to make your spouse talk to you is to say something that touches his or her sympathy and affection.
Translated by: Sadroddin Musawi
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What are the divine and Islamic Conditions for Marriage? (part 2): (Religion and Piety)
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What are the divine and Islamic Conditions for Marriage? (Being Matched: Part 2)
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